apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize