nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
