They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
