some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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