I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
