I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
