2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i will never coherently bang her
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
