Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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