dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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