I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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