There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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