i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
