so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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