K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
