Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
