whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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