I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
