I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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