Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
