A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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