why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
