They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
