when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize