Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
