You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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