the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
