I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
