His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
