I got chris browned last night
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
