So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
