She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
