And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
