when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
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