Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
