My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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