I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
