so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
