he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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