so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Randomize
