"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
