You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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