oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
