just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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