i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
