I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize