Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
