I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
