She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
