i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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