Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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