wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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