I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
