I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
