the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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