I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
