dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
