I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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