She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
