I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize