you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i out mim tonsoeep
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
