He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
