3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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