I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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