when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
