So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize