she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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