Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
