The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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