nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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