The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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