I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
NoShamevember. You game?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
