She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I came so hard my ears popped.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
