i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize