I think i sorta joined a cult last night
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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