no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
