I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
