You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
